she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
