I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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