i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
