I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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