She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
