kristin has been a bad kristin
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
