I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
