Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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