I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize