She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
