he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
