dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just gargled with NyQuil
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
