the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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