Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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