I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
