he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
