Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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