I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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