I wish I could punch you in the face.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
