Sponge bath it is.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
