Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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