Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
i think i just lost a toe
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
