You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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