You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
