Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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