I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
