god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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