yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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