I wish my penis had an off switch
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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