He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
