saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
