do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We don't watch enough power rangers
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
