I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
