Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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