What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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