We won't sleep together?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I think I just sharted jello shots
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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