Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
