Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
