Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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