this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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