I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Randomize
