I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
