You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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