i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
