dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
