Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
organizing the empties. That sober.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
