I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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