Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
