Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
