I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
