I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
