if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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