I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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