It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
