Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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