I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
