You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
