Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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