I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
