1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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