everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize