Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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