somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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