Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's shark week go big or go home
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
