Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
